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FOR A MORE PEACEFUL HOME LIFE
Located in the DFW area, and serving the US 903-714-1169 tammy@mybestbehaviorcoach.com

FAMILY COACHING FOR
AGES 1 - 12

Dear Miss Behavior
Take part in our interactive Q and A resource center. Ask the tough questions, Miss Behavior has all the answers you need to create a more peaceful home environment with joy in child rearing.
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Dear Miss Behavior, Help! My first grade daughter has started saying "No" to everything asked of her (whether she wants it or not) and has become defiant at home and at daycare what can we do. ~Girl Dad in CaliI went through the same thing with my son...and it happens to a lot of parents. The best strategy, although frustrating and sometimes difficult is to ignore when it is excessive and listen when it is an answer to a question; meaning, 'Do you want some juice?" Answer: "No" even if you know they want it. Reply: "Okay, maybe later." Be consistent and stick with it and she will eventually get that strategy doesn't work. She is trying to get some power so limit yes/no questions and try choices. "Juice or water?" Thanks for the question!
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Dear Miss Behavior, My two-and-a-half-year-old son has recently started biting when he gets frustrated or upset, especially when playing with other kids. I’m really worried because I know this behavior isn’t acceptable, but I’m not sure how to get him to stop. I’ve tried telling him that biting hurts, but it doesn’t seem to register. What can I do to help him express his feelings in a better way? Yours sincerely, Biting BaffledDear Biting Baffled, Biting is a tough one, but it’s not uncommon for toddlers who are still learning how to manage their emotions as well as VERY mouth sensory. When your son bites, calmly but firmly say, “No biting. Biting hurts.” Then, offer him an alternative way to express his feelings, like using words or squeezing a soft toy. I also like to try, "I'm not for/she's not for biting, If you want to bite, you may bite this. Handing your child a nearby "bite-able" toy. It’s also helpful to watch for signs that he’s about to get frustrated so you can step in before the bite happens. If he does bite, try not to overreact (even though it’s hard!). The attention is the sometimes the best part. Give attention to the bitten child first, so your son doesn’t get the idea that biting equals attention. With time, he’ll learn that there are better ways to communicate. Hang in there, Miss Behavior
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Dear Miss Behavior, My two-year-old daughter has become an extremely picky eater. She used to eat a variety of foods, but now she only wants to eat the same few things—mostly crackers and cheese. Meal times are becoming a huge struggle, and I’m worried she’s not getting enough nutrients. How can I encourage her to try new foods without turning it into a battle? Thanks for your help, Frustrated Foodie MomDear Frustrated Foodie Mom, Toddlers and their love-hate relationship with food—aren’t they just the funniest little creatures? Selective eating is pretty common at this stage, but the good news is, it’s usually just a phase. I worked with a family where a child refused to eat anything but cheese balls for a month and the mom was a chef! :) Start by offering a variety of foods without pressuring her to eat them. You might try a “two-bite” rule: encourage her to try just two bites of something new, but don’t force it if she refuses. Also, make meals fun! Serve food in fun shapes, use colorful plates, or even let her “help” with simple tasks like stirring. And remember, it’s perfectly fine if she doesn’t eat everything—toddlers are good at self-regulating their hunger. Keep offering healthy options, and she’ll eventually expand her palate. Bon appétit, Miss Behavior
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Dear Miss Behavior, My child tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants and will do it for 30-40 minutes before I finally have to give in. What can I do to stop these?Hi, Part of that answer is in your question. Each time you allow your child to tantrum for that long and then intervene or “give in” you are letting them know that the next time if they tend to them a little bit longer you may give in and that is just enough for some kids to continue to tantrum. The best strategy for dealing with tantrums is stopping it before it starts. So, if you know something that will be a trigger for your child, attempt to ease them into it. If it's not wanting to clean up, not wanting to stop an activity, being told “no”, etc. Knowing what might happen could help prevent it from ever starting. Of course, your child needs to be told they cannot do something, but if they can be told it in a positive fashion and save the “no” for emergencies. * Rather than saying “no, you can't have that.” Try, “Let's put that up and get something else.” It will direct them to another thought and can be a nice distraction. *an emergency may include an act of aggression like biting or hitting a child running toward the street. A child climbing somewhere high enough to fall off and be injured.
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Dear Miss Behavor, How can I get my son who is 4 years old to be more patient? If he doesn't get something he wants right away he screams and throws a fit. Tired Dallas momWell, depending where you are and who he might be disturbing*, for the MOST part let him scream! The wrong thing is to jump and run allowing him to "train you" to jump. Children learn patience from the adults around them, and th4ey learn that by having it modeled for them. Your son needs to know he doesn't get what he wants if he is screaming. You can, in a low voice, say, When you are quiet I will give it to you" or something like that. He will learn that you don't get what you want immediately and you certainly don't get it screaming. Hang in there it may take a few times of screaming. *Look for strategies for tantrums in public places.
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Dear Miss Behavior, How can I be sure I am not raising a bully?HI, That is a great question. And so important for our current times. Just the fact that you are asking is good assurance that you are trying to be an awesome parent. There are a few things that are essential to raising a kind, empathetic child, and typically, those children do not bully others. Having your own zero tolerance policy at home is extremely important. Rules like: We never make fun of anyone. We empathize with people's hurts, and we try to check in with those individuals who might be feeling isolated and show kindness to someone who may not always feel like they are a part of the group or maybe never! When people feel included and feel like they matter you are changing the life of that child or individual. Remind your child that making someone else feel bad to make yourself feel good is never appropriate and that can come back to them in other ways. Our children learn to be kind and helpful and look for the good in others. They can teach others to do the same!
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Dear Miss Behavior, My three-year-old son has become very possessive of his toys. Whenever we have playdates, he refuses to share, leading to lots of tears and arguments with other children. I’ve tried explaining the importance of sharing and even modeling the behavior myself, but nothing seems to be sinking in. How can I teach him to share and be more cooperative with his peers? Best, Sharing is Not Caring?Dear Sharing, Ah, the joys of teaching toddlers to share—it’s like asking them to hand over their favorite cookie! Think about it; as adults we don’t easily share our favorite items either. At this age, sharing doesn’t come naturally, and that’s okay. I say, always encourage sharing, but don’t expect it. Start by setting up playdates using toys that encourage cooperative play, like building blocks or a ball. This way, your son can see the fun in playing together. You can also introduce the concept of “taking turns” instead of sharing. Say, “It’s Johnny’s turn now. You can have a turn when he’s done.” And when he does share, heap on the praise! Toddlers love to know when they’ve done something right. It’s a process, but with patience and practice, he’ll get there. Keep it playful, Miss Behavior
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Dear Miss Behavior, I’m having a hard time getting my toddler to stick to a bedtime routine. My daughter is almost three, and every night is a battle. She’ll cry, beg for one more story, or insist she’s not tired. Sometimes it takes over an hour just to get her to bed. I’m exhausted and not sure how to create a peaceful bedtime routine that works. Any advice? Thank you, Sleepless and StressedDear Sleepless and Stressed, Bedtime battles can make even the most patient parent want to pull their hair out! My son didn't sleep through the night until he was almost two, and was born to be a night owl, I feel your pain! The key is consistency—toddlers thrive on routines because they know what to expect. Start with a calming activity about 30 minutes before bed, like reading or a warm bath. Then, stick to the same steps every night: brush teeth, put on pajamas, and read a story. Applying lotion after bath can have a calming effect as well. When your daughter asks for “one more story,” set clear limits: “We’ll read two stories tonight, and then it’s time for bed.” If she tries to stall, gently but firmly remind her of the routine. Over time, she’ll learn that bedtime is non-negotiable. And don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back—you’re doing amazing! Sweet dreams, Miss Behavior
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