You call their name.
No response.
You call again.
Still nothing.
By the third attempt, you’re practically starring in your own one-person Broadway production. And still… your child doesn’t budge.
If this sounds familiar, congratulations—you’re a parent.
Before you resign yourself to repeating everything five million times forever, let me let you in on a little secret: You can get your child to listen the first time. No yelling, no bribing, no threatening to “turn this car around.” Just a few simple tweaks that work like magic (or at least better than what you’ve been trying).
1. Say Their Name—Then Stop Talking
Here’s the thing: Kids are professionals at tuning out background noise. And let’s be honest—most of the time, we’re guilty of just talking at them, expecting them to drop whatever they’re doing and comply instantly.
Instead, try this:
Say their name once.
Pause.
Wait for them to look at you before continuing.
Example: “Oliver! Get your shoes! Oliver! We have to go! OLIVER, WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME?!” NO
Instead - “Oliver.” [Pause. Wait for eye contact.] “Shoes on, please. It’s time to go.”
Why It Works: Kids don’t always register what you’re saying if they’re focused on something else (like building a Lego masterpiece or fighting an invisible dragon). Getting their attention first ensures they actually hear you.
2. Get on Their Level (Literally)
Imagine someone yelling instructions at you from another room. Are you likely to immediately stop what you’re doing and listen?
Didn’t think so.
Kids respond much better when you’re at their eye level.
What to do:
Walk over to them.
Squat or kneel down.
Make eye contact.
Speak calmly and clearly.
Example: [Yelling from the kitchen] “Lily, clean up your toys!” NO Instead - [Kneeling next to Lily] “Lily, it’s time to clean up. Do you want to put the blocks away first or the dolls?”
Why It Works: Getting close and making eye contact makes it harder to ignore you—and makes your child feel connected rather than ordered around.
3. Give a Simple, Clear Command
Ever noticed that kids tend to glaze over when you give them a long-winded explanation? That’s because their little brains can only hold so much information at once.
The fix? Keep your instructions short, direct, and specific.
Example: “It’s getting late, and I’ve asked you three times to clean up. You really need to listen to me the first time because we have to leave early tomorrow, and if we don’t start getting ready now, it’s going to be a rush in the morning…” NO
Instead - “Time to clean up. Blocks first.”
Why It Works: Kids process short, clear directions faster than long explanations. Save the speeches for when they’re older (or for your spouse).
4. Offer Choices (So They Feel in Control)
Ever tried forcing a kid to do something? How’d that work out?
Exactly.
Kids love control. When they feel like they have a choice, they’re way more likely to cooperate.
Example: “Put your coat on NOW!”
Instead - “Do you want to wear the red coat or the blue coat?”
“Brush your teeth or else!”
Instead - “Do you want to brush your teeth before or after pajamas?”
Why It Works: Giving a choice shifts the power without compromising the goal. They feel in control, and you still get what you need.
5. Use the “When-Then” Trick
Instead of nagging or threatening, use a simple “When-Then” statement. This sets a clear expectation without turning it into a battle.
Example: “If you don’t eat your dinner, no dessert!”
Instead - “When you finish your dinner, then you can have dessert.”
“If you don’t clean up, we’re not going to the park!”
Instead - “When your toys are cleaned up, then we can go to the park.”
Why It Works: Kids focus on the positive outcome, rather than feeling forced into something.
6. Follow Through—Every. Single. Time.
Here’s where most parents slip up: Inconsistency.
If you tell your child, “We’re leaving in five minutes,” but then keep scrolling on your phone for another 20 minutes, guess what? They’ve learned that you don’t really mean what you say.
What to do:
Stick to your words.
If you say “five more minutes,” set a timer and actually follow through.
If you say “When you clean up, then we’ll read,” don’t cave in and read before they clean up.
Why It Works: Consistency teaches kids that you mean what you say—which means they’ll start listening the first time.
7. Stay Calm
Ever noticed that the more frustrated you get, the more your child ignores you? That’s because kids pick up on tone, energy, and emotion more than words.
What to do:
Take a deep breath before speaking.
Say less—don’t over-explain.
Keep your tone firm but calm.
Example: [Frustrated, rapid-fire] “WHY do I have to repeat myself 100 times?! Are you even listening? I said put on your shoes! We’re late!” NO
Instead - [Calmly] “Shoes. Now.”
Why It Works: Kids respond better to calm authority than frantic desperation (which, let’s be honest, we’ve all tried).
Final Thoughts: Less Nagging, More Listening
Getting your child to listen the first time isn’t magic—it’s just a mix of connection, clarity, and consistency.
Get their attention first.
Keep commands simple and direct.
Offer choices to avoid power struggles.
Use “When-Then” instead of threats.
Follow through every single time.
Stay calm and use fewer words.
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